Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
