Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
