I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
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I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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