hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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