a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
