My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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