i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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