one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
