my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
