He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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