God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
