Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
