so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
