i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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