were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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