Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
