i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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