my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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