the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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