Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
