is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
