4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
