Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
