Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
