i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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