So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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