Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
