I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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