I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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