I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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