halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
