the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
