I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
