I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
