none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is Oprah even human
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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