sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
