idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize