I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
