I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
