she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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