life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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