We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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