next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
