Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
