you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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