i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
