Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
