Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
