I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
