Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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