Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
