What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
