I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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