yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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