Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
