I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
