Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
