I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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