Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
