When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
