i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
FUCK WHALES
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
