Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't turn off my feet"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
