Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
