I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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