every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
