How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
