where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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