did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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