I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
