i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
