i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
