apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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